Have you ever been in any type of situation or surrounding, say a new group of people or a new place, where you find yourself acting a bit out of character? I have been guilty of that a few times, but for the most part I have always been proud/happy to just be myself. That being said, my natural personality is not very cut and dry so to speak.
Well, the other day a friend of a friend (I really don't consider her an acquaintance) made a backhanded comment about how it seems that I change my likes depending upon who I am around. I was pretty pissed to say the least.
Her: "....well that is nice that you take on whatever interests your friends of the moment have...."
Me: "The last time I checked, I had the same group of friend that I had ten years ago, and obviously that doesn't include you, or you would know that that is not the case..."
Her: *Blink*
Me: "I am not trying to be rude, but if you want to speak up about something, you should get your facts straight. I don't do anything unless I want to, not because someone else does and I want to be cool."
Her: *Blink*
Uh huh, that is what I though....
That brings me to the point of this post. I have been doing some thinking lately about where I am in life. I am usually very happy go lucky and very laid back..maybe too much so, but hey. I am a pleaser....it makes me a very happy girl to make someone else happy. I know, if you need be sick, I'll wait. *Taps foot, checks watch* OK, all better now? Good. So, while her comment pissed me off, it made me realize something. Maybe she has a point....kinda.
I don't really change my personality for my friends, because they all know how I am and are a lot like me...God help us ;0), but it seems that I did change myself for someone. Yep, that means the MAN. Have any of you guys/girls changed (even a little) to get your love interest/spouse/sig. other?
Before Tony and I were a couple, I was quite the social butterfly. I went out every weekend...either to the bar, to see a show, go to the park, or SOMETHING! Now....well, I can't remember the last time I went out anywhere...like OUT that wasn't a family function or something of that sort. I don't drink hardly at all anymore because he looks down on it, and my best friend says that I am not as outgoing anymore. :0( Damn, I suck!!!
Don't get me wrong...I love Tony and we don't fight...(much);0) but who doesn't? But, what is so surprising is that I didn't realize these things right away. Tony is a homebody, and so when you first start dating someone new, that necessarily isn't a big deal, because you probably just want to mess around anyway...but four years later...I feel a little like I need to get permission to go out or I get the silent treatment.
So, this is me eating humble pie, because I guess I did change for someone, and now I don't know if I like that....all in the name of making someone besides myself happy....OK, now I feel sick ;0( But this is something I will have to ponder and discuss with the man and see where it leads.
OK, I have decided I am going to make time to do something that I want to do at least once a week, because I can. Usually in the past, if I try to get Tony to go out with me...he doesn't want to, so I guess I will just have to go on my own!
Alright, I am done...as always your input and opinions are appreciated! Have a great weekend! And, Happy 28th anniversary to my parents! and Happy 7th birthday to my Godson Logan!!!
5 comments:
Bit of a people-pleaser myself here, so I don't know if I can offer a different perspective. That being said, I know I have a lot of different interests that aren't exhibited at all times. So if I have one friend who likes to watch movies, and another friend who likes to go out and eat, and another who likes the bar scene, I'll probably happily accompany them to those activities. These are all things I enjoy, but it's their interest in the same that tips the scales in that direction on a given night. Cut yourself some slack. I think it's pretty normal.
Now, if you know you like painting the town red and you notice you're doing it less because Tony isn't as interested in that, do make time for yourself to go out and enjoy yourself from time to time. It's not unhealthy to reach a compromise, but you'll want to keep your own interests in sight as well.
Rambled long enough ... signing off.
I don't know if I would call it people pleasing or being polite. I tend to act appropriately for the crowd I'm with--If I'm with the very religious, I watch my mouth and tend not to discuss issues I would with people I'm more comfortable with--etc.
I agree with melissa, make time for you! :)
Those things happen...couple change for each other and kind of morph into a new being. I wouldn't pay it much thought. And good for you for sticking up for yourself!
guilty of the same...people pleaser, made everyone else happy first. guilty of changing for the man as well. we fought about it a lot before, but after awhile, i realized i didn't really like going out all the time or whatever. i also realized, that it's ok to change, if you're changing for the better. of course, that's all in each person's perspective...i guess it was time for me to grow up (not saying that going out means you're not grown up). i was perfectly fine going out before or staying home. at the end of the day, i preferred to stay home with him. saved some money too :)
i guess as long as you don't totally lose yourself and you're happy, then that's all that matters :)
ok, enough of my 2 cents ;)
I tend to be a complete blanket, an utter chameleon, sometimes. It's something that I need to work on. I want to please so damned bad, I kinda lose myself in the process. And some people have taken advangtage of that personality trait of mine.
Here's the thing, though: You have to do what makes you happy. Otherwise, it seems, resentment will build up until it explodes over some innocuous occurence and the other person will look at you a bit sideways.
Stay true to yourself. And the silent treatment for your wanting to go out and have some fun? Not cool at all.
People do change for their lovers, but it's got to be a two-way street. I've been learning that the hard way.
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